Sunday evening was the annual SMU Indoor Open. This is a university track and field event that is open to club athletes and Master athletes like myself. I did not race any indoor track events in 2019 because my running body wasn’t healthy enough. I did enjoy racing two winter indoor seasons in 2017 and 2018. Indoor 3000m races are a challenge and I find them to be both exhilarating and terrifying. More parts exhilaration. Some parts terrifying.
This season finds me pretty healthy and fit so I registered for the SMU Open 3000m race, even knowing that none of my Masters Road Hammer Women pals, coined the Old Dolls, would be competing. I am fit enough to hang with the young university girls so I decided I would do it. Someone’s gotta show them what aging looks like, right? Why not me.
My early morning track workouts had gone well and I had some good data to share with Coach Lee in the lead up. I asked him to approve my per 200m lap pace and to also give me 3 things to focus on. One per kilometer. I know my racing self well. If I don’t have specific things to thing about and sections to divide the race, I will have about 3000 thoughts scattered in my mind.
Lee had some solid race strategy for me: “try and be in the moment, break it down but don’t over think. Know it’s supposed to hurt, and be challenging, but that’s the point, we want to push and challenge ourselves to see where we can land.”
The plan over each kilometer was this: Kilometer 1: relax. Kilometer 2: focus on who is in front of you. Kilometer 3: hurt for it.
The 3000m were scheduled to begin at 6:40pm, an unusual time if you are a road racer used to an early morning road race start. When the heats and lanes list came out, I had a thought like, “Hmmm, I wonder what heat I will be in?” And then I answered myself, “I am 39 years old! I doesn’t matter what heat I’m in!” I was in the first of two heats, i.e. the slower of the two heats.
I walked into the Canada Games Centre at about 5:30pm and was hit with a wall of young people. I felt a surge of loneliness for a moment as I sat down anonymously to take off my boots and sweats. I walked alone over piles of university students towards the check-in table. Then I saw friends (adult friends!) Steve Morley and Paula James and chatted with them a bit. I also chatted with a high school athlete who I coach during high school seasons, along with her mother. At the check-in table, volunteer extraordinaire Naté-Janine looked up at me then wordlessly handed me my number. I was no longer anonymous.
I also remembered that Emily Hamiton would be there as she’s studying at Dalhousie and is now a varsity athlete again. I found her and we began warm-up together. It was great to catch up as we rarely see each other outside of summer road racing series season. I laughed as she was telling me a story about meeting a first year Dalhousie student who I coached over 3 years at highschool. Emily says that the freshman asked her if she knew Erin Poirier. Emily answered, “oh yea, I know Erin. She’s my competition!” It was a fitting moment, all in line with the blog post that I wrote just this week about the amazing women’s ecosystem in Atlantic Canada working to lift each other up. Sure, Emily is my competition. I want her to run head-up-wings-out fast so that I have to as well. Alas, she was in the second heat.
My friend and amazing human Christy arrived just as my warm-up was ending and my heart filled with love. I slid on my multicoloured track spikes and went to line my 39 year old self up with the 18 to 24 year olds.
A track meet is all so fast. Seeded in lane 2. Gun. Go!
I had been talking strategy with Emily about how the first 3000 race of the season went. She said the young girls fly off the line. I let them. Christy is on the first turn and will tell me my 200m splits- the only number that makes sense is such a short, fast and furious race.
Lap 1: Relax, relax, relax! My goal is 44 seconds per lap. I split through lap 1 in 42.5. Not too bad. Onto lap 2.
It was actually a little bit tricky to write this recap and that’s a win for me. My head was pretty vacant except for a few scattered thoughts about the task at hand: characteristic of an engaged racer’s mindset. This is a place that I don’t always get to. It leaves few race memories to weave together.
I think I was telling myself “relax” and had a few thoughts of “I’m doing it!” The effort feels right. Quickly, I get caught up behind the first set of 3 girls. My brain is actually so vacant that I don’t know exactly what to do or when to pass them. Erin asks race brain, “When should I pass?” Race Brain: “…… (silence)….”
The indoor track is so loud when you are racing. People are shouting at their runners. There are numbers flying everywhere. You mostly tune it out. Then I heard Paula’s voice clearly, cut through the dim: “Move up, you gotta, move up.” I just assume she’s talking to me. I immediately move up. I pass these 3 girls. I catch the next pack of 3 girls over the next lap and this time I know what to do. I move up. I pass them too. It is exhilarating.
I split through 1km at 3:39, right on goal.
Lap Two. The focus was supposed to be on the athlete ahead of me.
There is only one athlete left ahead of me.
She’s maybe 80m ahead starting the second kilometer. Blair, my Road Hammer guy and high school co-coach (and father to Dal athlete Blair) has shown up. He’s with Christy and he’s taken over the shouting of splits with his encouraging, bellowing voice. This is also his job for high school track and XC: 44! 44! I’m even and where I am supposed to be with each lap. I can hear him saying that I’m doing good though I can’t register the precise words.
“I got this, I’m going to chase this girl down in first down.”
She starts to come back to me. Along a lap on the backstretch, I know that I thought: “Big Bad Mama is coming for you.”
I am at 7:20 at 2km, exactly where I want to be. I can not tell you any other numbers for the rest of the race, none of them make sense to me. As soon as I split through 2km, I encounter my standard 3000m Hypoxic Brain: oh lord, how many more laps is it? What is 800? What does 12 mean?
At some point, a line from Coach Lee’s plan pops into my consciousness: “Don’t worry about the time on the clock as it’s impossible to keep track of where you want to be, but rather think each lap is one lap closer to being done.” I can’t count anyway. This makes sense. The next lap is one closer to being done.
I have closed most of what was about an 80m lead on the young girl in first place. I’m not up on her shoulder yet but I am close. Only when I try to pull together some strategy on what to do next, there is none in my brain. I am unsure when to go hard after her. So I just keep on it.
Then with 300m to go, Paula is yelling that I am within 1 sec of girl in lead. I think that I might really catch her. She hits the line first and hears her bell. Bell Lap (final lap). She completely turns it on with her 18 year old legs and that was that.
I charge into my bell lap, too, because that’s what you do, even if you aren’t going to catch the girl in the lead. You do it for yourself.
When the clock comes into view down the home stretch, it’s ticking at 10:55: “you’re not going to make it to PB sub 11.” I wish I hadn’t looked at the clock, I probably gave up and let up a fraction here. Next time, I won’t look at the clock. I forget to lean in at the line.
I feel joyful and victorious when I cross the line and downright jubilant when I sweaty-hug Blair and Christy and thank them for their support. The old gal ran away from all but one athlete in a field of university kids.
Paula captured these beautiful splits for me. I can see the 4th and 5th laps are where I got caught up in the clumps of young girls. These are pretty splits for me.
I then get to cheer on Emily to a big PB of 10:14, smashing the AUS Standard of 10:30 that she wanted to hit.
Go Masters Women!!
Cooldown:
A few laughs come in cooldown.
First, I run over to see the results sheet to see if I have yet again run a double zero with an 11:00. It’s not, it’s an 11:05.5, only 1.55s off my lifetime PB of 10:59.95 in my first indoor race in 2 years. But I can’t find my name next to Emily’s in F35-39.
………..GASP!!!!
It’s because Athletics Nova Scotia (ANS) has me listed as F40-44!!! OMG, ANS has just forced an artificial celebration of my 40th birthday! My birthday is July 14, I am still 39! But damn, I’ll take it because ok young gals in the 3000m heats, this is what 40 looks and runs like.
I jog cooldown laps and am joined by Emily and Matthias when they are ready (Matthias post-serious Beast Mode). I tell them that I have been aged up to 40, OMG! Matthias matter-of-factly points out, “well, you’re more than 39.” I laugh. He continues. “You’re 39 and some. Like, you’re not *under* 39.” Ok, ok, I get it!
Matthias peels off and Emily and I carry on and I have this happy thought about my Old Doll Denise saying before an indoor meet 3 years ago: “Yea! Us Old Dolls will at least go and make some young girls hurt for it!” I didn’t have Denise’s words in my mostly empty race head but I did laugh at them afterwards. I think I can call this mission accomplished in my heat.
Before the race, knowing that I would be racing without any of my Road Hammers Masters Women, nor Paula, I thought about this quote: by Ken Chlouber, found of the Leadville Trail 100: “Make friends with pain and you’ll never be alone.” With a good luck wish, my Love Training More coaching partner Janet also reminded me of the “Big Bad Mama” mantra that I’ve used successfully in other races. I intended to station Big Bad Mama on the third kilometer.
I did think about Big Bag Mama. I didn’t think about making friends with pain quote. Did I make friends with pain? And her sidekick: relentless crushing intensity? Honestly, I don’t have a sharp enough memory of what happened to say. A 3000m race is over so quickly. I do think there is more there to give. Coach agrees. It’s like 5km, you gotta race yourself into your best performances. If I had a re-do, I would be faster. And, I am so happy with this performance.
On one of our cooldown laps, Head Coach Kevin Heisler from SMU (we’ve known each other for over a decade, since my Cliff Matthews days) calls out to me:
“Erin!”
“Yes, Kevin!”
“Erin, you’ve still got it!”
That feels so good.
I suppose I can call this race my Artificial ANS Birthday Party. This compliment from Kevin- it’s my Artificial ANS 40th birthday gift to myself.
