Hurt so Good: Athletics NS 3000m Masters’ Race Recap

Yesterday, I did something that I have never, ever done in my life as an athlete and road racing runner.  A track race.  An indoor track race at that.

For most humans, even athletes, new experiences are scary.  At the outset, this was no exception.  While we were away together on our marathon trip in December, Coach Lee suggested/ordered/suggested that we all do this open indoor race: challenge ourselves, mix it up, get a reprieve from the grind of long distance road running etc.  As the day approached, the order was more suggestion: all up to us.  I wanted to run far away from an indoor track with many people watching tight, tiny circular laps of running.  But I also wanted to challenge myself and get out of my comfort zone.  With the motto in mind of “Don’t limit your challenges, challenge your limits,” I forced myself to quickly registered online on Monday before I could change my mind.

Training partner Denise was happy: “Yea! Us Old Dolls will at least go and make some young girls hurt for it!” She was all in on challenging herself as well.  Happily, the Halifax Road Hammer Master’s roster grew to 6. That was Monday. The next day, Tuesday, I was honored to attend the Dalhousie Academic All Canadian Luncheon as “academic mentor” to Emily Ferguson who has been working with me during her community nursing placement since September.  Em Ferg trains with us Road Hammers in the summer along with many collegiate girls. So here I was surrounded by the university roster, chatting excitedly about competing at the Indoor Track Race which was now going to be the largest indoor Track and Field Meet ever to held in Nova Scotia.  Predominant feeling as a rookie Master track Runner who is not used to be being a rookie at anything: terrified. If I could un-sign up, I might have.

The week disappeared in family, work and training and some funny banter between us “Old Dolls.”  Lots of consideration: would it better to race in a heat with the university girls or to have a mixed masters’ heat?

Friday evening, the night before the race, I knew that my final preparation was going to be as… bad as possible. At 9pm, I was pumping my two year old full of Advil as his cough was turning into croup. He coughed and coughed while we were all trying to fall asleep. By 1:00am, he was up and sick. By 3:30am, we were getting into the shower because there was barf everywhere (everywhere).  At this point, he was in bed with on top of me as that’s where any sick toddler feels best.  By 4:30am, we were changing the bed for the third time. He tried out about 68 sleeping positions on top of me and settled on one and we slept from 5-7am. Poor little boy. The race was at 12:45pm.

I went back to bed from 8-9am and then got up and had two cups of full-on caffeine coffee (I usually drink one half decaf americano), determined to wake up and shake this off.  Linda was texting me so I told her but I didn’t want to talk about it too much.  I didn’t plan on telling my coach ahead of the race. I didn’t want any excuses.  This is my life as a mother with a toddler and preschooler.

I get to Canada Games Centre and meet my Road Hammer teammates at 11:15 per our fearless track leader Nick’s instructions.  We grab YHZ’s Andy and 7 of the 9 mixed masters in the mixed masters’ heat warm up together outside. We joke. Can we just call this the race?

Back inside, where I thought that I would feel so nervous trying to warm up with the audience of the largest indoor track meet in Nova Scotia, I found myself feeling strong and proud. “This is what 36 looks like.”  And by that, I don’t mean physical appearance, I mean this is what a strong 36 year old athlete’s body performs like. My body feels the way that I want it to and I feel happy and excited.

Now it’s time to line up in our assigned lanes. Nick and I have a plan, delivered 10 minutes ago by coach Lee.  Lee’s here because he has many athletes competing and never misses a race that he can get to. And also because: you order us, you show up! Nick will get out in front of me and I’ll tuck in behind him x at least 2 laps at 45s and 44s.

The gun goes and Nick gets out just in front and we’re off. I’m tucked in behind him and we do what we are supposed to split through the first lap in 45s. The second is 43 or 44s. I feel so good and strong. I am a track racer!

Nick and I pass the non-Road Hammer, non-YHZ runner between 800 & 1200m.  Nick starts to pull away from me and I let him go with a mental farewell.  Nick running away from me, this I am used to!

I feel amazing the first 1000m, run at 3:43. “I’m really good at this!” I tell myself.

Lap #6 was pretty good too. I think.  It’s so hard to remember. Hit 1600m or so and the guy passes me and he does it with authority.  Because I am starting to go backwards.  “Oh shit, I’m not really good at this.”  We were getting splits every 200m and I had been consistent at 45s but at 1800m, I started to bleed one second per 200m beginning.  I should have been 6:45. Was 6:47. Etc.  No real thoughts were in my head beyond, “so hard.”  I paid no attention to anyone on the track or in the audience. I didn’t look at a single person’s face. I was just in it and running as hard as I could and it was so. very. hard.

With the runners I coach, I often write their race plans using the words “Fit, Fierce and Fearless.” The race strategy is divided into stages using these words.  At 1000m to go, the word fearless popped into my head like I planned for it to. So I told myself to run hard, faster, be fearless. But my distance runner’s brain screamed back “NO! It’s too dangerous!! We will blow up!!”  Maybe I picked it up for the last 200m. I don’t know. I finally manage to lean in at the line. As fast and hard as it began, it was all over. 11:24.57.  Results here.

I know a few things after this.

1. I’m glad I challenged myself and did this, along with my awesome teammates. Teammates make everything more fun #bettertogether

2. This was a lesson in doing the best you can on the day. I did. I don’t know what impact the sleepless parenting night with a sick child had on my performance from 1600-3000m and it doesn’t matter. Plus I have kids at home, I have no business coming home disappointed when I’ve tried my best because little eyes are watching.  Without being disappointed, I know that I can do better.

3. I didn’t run hard or aggressively enough. I sure did hurt so good but not quite enough. This one was practice at coming up against my distance runner’s background. With that practice, I will be able to push harder next time. I will be more fearless from 1600-3000m.

4. It was done so fast! When the lap counter said “2 laps to go” I was like, “You talking to me?!” This knowledge will arm my fearless goal.
5. There’s some value in not reaching what you believe is your potential.  This doesn’t usually happen to me in my bread and butter of half and full marathon racing. I’m used to going out and giving it my very best and seeing it in results that I’m really happy about. I’m not disappointed in my results, don’t get me wrong. But this is still humbling. It will push me to work hard. I’m hungry for more. I’ll be back on the track. I told Coach Lee that I had lots of fun and that I know I can do better. His text came back right away, happy that I had fun. Deliberately glossing over my line that I know I can do better.

So, circular indoor track, we will see you again in February.